“I Hope You Know I Loved You Enough to Let Go”

I’m feeling really guilty right now. Just two days ago, I had to make one of the hardest decisions of my life: to let my dog go. He was a 14-year-old bobtail, my very first dog, and my best friend. I brought him to the vet because he was struggling to breathe. He had pneumonia for a week, and though I thought he was slowly getting better, everything changed that day.

The vet called with news that shattered me. His heart was racing. He was fighting to breathe. They found fluid in his stomach and a tumor in his liver—not causing problems yet, but there. I wanted to wait for the specialist appointment the next morning, to hold onto hope just a little longer. But the vet warned me he might not make it through the night. That he could die alone, afraid, and in distress.

I felt rushed. Pressured. I didn’t want him to be alone if things got worse. And yet, when I saw him, he didn’t look like he was in pain. Just a little restless. Still himself. He even tried to chase the bubbles I brought for him. That moment—it keeps playing in my mind. Could I have waited? Should I have brought him home one last time?

That question haunts me. Because I was his person. I was supposed to fight for him. To know when the right time was. Instead, I made the call in a blur of panic, fear, and love that didn’t want him to suffer. But now, he’s gone. And I didn’t get that one more night. That one more cuddle. That one more walk.

He was with me through everything—before my marriage, before my children, before our other dogs. He was my constant, my companion through all of life’s changes. I look for him in all the quiet corners of our home. I hear his paws in my memory. I ache for his presence.

Right now, I feel crushed beneath the weight of guilt, anger, and unbearable sadness. It feels like I failed him. Like I let him go too soon. But I also know this: I made my choice from love. I made it so he wouldn’t suffer. So he could leave this world with dignity, and with me by his side.

To anyone who’s ever had to make this decision—you are not alone. We love them so deeply, and that love makes goodbye the hardest word. But in our hearts, they never truly leave. The memories, the joy, the soul-deep bond—they remain. And so do we, carrying them forward, one step at a time.